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Archive for November, 2006

Holla!

I’ve been referencing my friend Talitha a lot in this blog and I thought it was high time I said embarassing things about other friends.  To that end, I will now give you the second installment in the friend series: Lesley. 

I have a friend named Lesley. Lesley says Holla! Lesley is funny and nice. Actually, once I was trying to explain to Chad how Lesley is nice partially because she is kind enough to laugh at my jokes so I said, “Lesley makes me feel funny”. Which made Chad laugh. And he suggested that I not tell her that because it might make our work relationship awkward (we were Co-Coordinators at the time). But, Lesley! You make me feel SO funny.

Another thing I like about Lesley is that she uses the word ‘fantastic’. She used to say it more but when she does say it, she says it very quietly and very, very sarcastically. For example, “Hey Lesley, President Bush got re-elected!” and she would say very quietly,  “Fantastic” and it would be very sarcastic because she is not a fan of our president.

Lesley also wears very well coordinated professional outfits that she has usually bought on sale or at a thrift store, which could make a person despise her but she’s so nice and funny that it just comes off as being cool.

The last thing I like about Lesley is that while she is nice and funny, she will stand up for herself.  I avoid confrontation at all costs and will sick on myself at the mere thought of getting into a fight so I very much respect non-cowardly behavior in others.

Lesley is not a 4 foot tall moustachioed person as I may have intimated to some of you on certain occassions. She is about 5 feet tall and as far as I can tell, she has no facial hair. Well, she does have eyebrows, but they are in no way excessive.

There’s lots of other stuff I know about her (she has a puppy!) but as I didn’t ask her permission to chronicle her life story here, I feel that I should hold back from telling all her personal information such as the time she joined a travelling circus, married the Chicken Man, and had three children, all of whom grew up to be Republican politicians. That is her story to tell in her own time.

So that is Lesley (the abridged version).

 Jini? You’re next!

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I have a song in my head. It is “The Beast and the Dragon, Adored” by Spoon. And I want to eat this song and make it part of me and have it with me all of the time. It has this Fender distortion sound that just makes me go all tingly and want to say real loud “Yes!”. Which reminds me of Talitha and the cow bells.

Talitha dated a drummer once. We wont talk too much about that because as a person I am sure he’s an okay guy but as a boyfriend he was not so great and I can say that because I dated him, too. While he was dating someone else. Who had given birth to his baby. In highschool. Fun all around. Let’s not dwell on what that says about me. I have historically had bad taste in men.

So anyways, while Talitha dated the drummer, she realized she had a passionate love of the use of the cow bell in songs. I think I even have a picture of her somewhere clanging one. And to this day, I cannot see or hear about a cow bell without smiling and thinking, Talitha likes cow bells.

And that, my friends, is what passes for a legitimate blog post around here.

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Comments! From strangers!

People, I have made it big. I have a comment posted to my site from someone I have never met. I am a dorkus bigicus in that this happening has totally made my week.

 So to the nice person who linked here and left a comment, THANK YOU! And you said I was funny, which lets be honest, is all I really want in life.

 Side bar: funny story. We had a wonderful speaker in one of my classes a few weeks ago and at the end of her very energetic presentation, she said she had “shot her wad” and was finished. Now, I’ve alway thought that phrase referred to an activity helpful for baby-making, male fertility testing, or self enjoyment so I was a little confused when not a single one of my classmates cracked a smile. I figure that there are two possibilities here: 1) I am wrong and this phrase is commonly used in mixed company without any sort of eyebrow-raising or 2) My classmates are far more mature than I am and managed to take the comment in stride. So Internet Populace, which is it?

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Quick Post

Obsessed! I am obsessed with checking my blog stats. I get to see how many people stop by and take a look and any day when its over zero I get so psyched.

 Talitha is the only person who has left a comment so far so I will say:

HI TALITHA!

 Talitha has, as many of you know, a very cute little monster that I gave a stuffed bunny to. And that stuffed bunny was reportedly very slobbered upon and enjoyed. Which makes me…wonderful.

No, really.

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A few weeks ago, Chad and I did laundry but then didn’t fold the clothes and put them away. If you know me or, more specifically if you’re my mom or dad, that statement probably made you roll your eyes and ask “Has she ever put away her clean clothes? Ever?”. But anyway, we didn’t. And I am here to tell you, that is a very dangerous thing to do. Because you see, when you leave things laying around like that you run the risk of developing a….dog infestation.

Things were fine for a few days. I would just rummage through the pile and get whatever I needed but after a few days I started noticing dog hair on everything and one day I came in to find this: THIS!

We had the beginnings of a dog infestation. We were arragont. After all, it was just one dog. It didn’t mean we had a full blown case of stinky dogs. We decided to ignore the warning signs and we didn’t pick up the clothes. Oh what fools we were! Days later we came home to find these:

 Another!   

  AND

  And Another!

Filthy, stinky dogs had infested our nice, clean clothes. We spent the evening putting the clothes up and we vowed never to leave them laying on the floor like that again. We did decide to keep a few of the dogs as pets. I mean, its winter, the cold is just going to drive them back inside anyway. And once you bathe them they are super cute. Much cuter than the millipede that’s living in the bathroom

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As some of you may know, Chad and I are trying to have a baby. In a very generous and kind gesture, a friend of ours who recently had a baby, gave us a huge bag of things she hadn’t used before she got pregnant: ovulation tests, pregnancy tests, and several books. One of the goodies in the bag was a newfangled digital pregnancy test, a test that does not require the highly skilled ability to count how many lines you see. Instead of showing lines, the test gives you a digital reading that says either “Pregnant” or “Not Pregnant”. And can I tell you? I hate the digital test. With a regular pregnancy test, you have a lot of room for interpretation. Not really, but at least once you’ve seen that the test only has one line, you can stare at the stick for ten straight minutes and convince yourself that maybe just maybe that is not a shadow from your hand, that is in fact a second line. And after ten minutes you feel a little silly and you admit to yourself that the test is negative and you throw it away. This is a slow let-down. This is a doctor who tells you your loved one is critical, but if you have enough faith, miracles are always possible. This is Coming To Terms with a negative pregnancy test in a way that suits me best: slowly and with a lot of second guessing.

A digital test allows for no such wishy-washiness. You pee on the thing and within moments it says “NOT PREGNANT”.

You’re not used to such decisiveness.”Well, lets give it a few sec-”

“NOT PREGNANT”.

“Seriously, the other tests and I do it this way – we hang out and see what happens and – “.

“NOT PREGNANT”.

Know it all bastard.

You just can’t argue with the thing. And then you have to eject the little strip you peed on and put it all away, whereas with a normal lines test, you can pull it out of the trash the next morning to see if maybe 24 hours in the trash was all the test needed to realize that it was horribly wrong, it apologizes, you ARE pregnant.

I don’t see the world in black and white, and I don’t want my pregnancy test to either.

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If you go to http://www.live365.com and search for Muppets you can listen to a radio station that is nothing but Muppet Show songs.

I give you my review: it is super cool.

With all of the different musical guests that the Muppet Show has had, you are guaranteed a wider range of artists and song types than even the super-best internet based radio station that claims to be able to read your mind and give you only songs that you really want to hear can give you. Which never works anyway. Because what you really want to do is listen to whole albums of particular artists and they just wont do that for you. And when I say you I mean me. And when I say they I mean them.

But the Muppet Show! I’ve listened all day and I haven’t heard one repeated song and I keep breaking out in funky-desk-dance (I’m at work – crap! I’ve incriminated myself!).

Hey, guess what? I had a pap this morning. It was great. My last pap was under the watchful eye of my doctor, her nurse, and two training nurses so having it just me and the doctor was nice and not performance-anxiety inducing. Last year I even said, “I hope my vagina is keeping you all entertained down there”. Plus I got my cholesterol checked. Cholesterol=eh, okay. Triglycerides = hmmm when will I have my first heart attack? They’re not that bad but it kind of sucks to have it affirmed that being overweight and eating lots of ice cream really does screw up your health. I was hoping that was just an unfounded rumor.

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