Archive for January, 2008

My goal is to lose 8 pounds for every cycle. That way if at the end of a cycle I’m not pregnant, I can still say at least I’m 8 pounds lighter. This positive spinning depends on losing the 8 pounds, but I’ve been hovering around that the last few months (I’m almost up to 40 pounds lost – how awesome am I?) and I think I can do it. So, see? I am a positive person who is not crippled by anxiety when faced with unknowns. I’ve also decided that until we move to actual fertility treatment, I’m going to harbor a deep seated belief that we can get pregnant on our own. And me and the tooth fairy will be in the next room doing something terribly implausible (I can’t think of any funny implausible things. We’ve been watching Elegant Universe on PBS so the only implausible things I can think of I now know are quite plausible and can be nicely explained by a nice looking physicist. Don’t tell Chad I said that last part. He would totally make fun of me for it).

 My ‘p’ key is sticking – or rather my p key is being hard to fully press down because of all the animal hair that is inside my laptop keyboard so I’m wrapping this up. I keep having to go back and type in p’s because I want to give you all a p-ful post. Nobody wants to read a post without the p. That would just be an ost. And that is silly.

Read Full Post »

Signs and Omens

Chad and I hadn’t planned on trying this month – things just sort of fell into place. Except, of course, that things didn’t really fall into place and I’m not pregnant. It was all about the signs and the omens. Left and right, things would pop up that a superstitious person would think was better proof than any two lines on a pregnancy test, ever. There were freaky parallels to what was going on last time I was pregnant! There were new things that happened that pointed in the direction of a pregnancy, but with a better outcome! There were cloud formations that were veritably spelling out the words, “Kate, though no physical symptoms abound, is pregnant!” As I said many times, if it turns out signs and omens rule the day – we’ve got this thing wrapped up. Except, of course, nothing is wrapped up and I’m not pregnant.

So we are thrown back into the game, only a month earlier than we were planning but any month of trying is a trying month and Chad and I are back at navigating the moody waters of infertility. I dwell on it too much, he dwells on it not at all (or so it seems to me). I came up with a spot on analogy, though, to help him understand our differences. Infertility is like a war – we will use the Iraq war for this example because…well because its convenient and timely.

I am Iraq. My lower parts are a war zone that I am forced to deal with everyday because I live with them. Chad is the United States. He is involved in the war and he has sent his troops over to the war zone. He is concerned with how the war is going and how his troops are faring, but he doesn’t have to live with its reality every second of every day. I tell Chad that I can’t ignore the war or put the war out of my head because all the war time activities are taking place in my uterus and if there is a barrage of cramps I know about it immediately. I tell Chad that I have to tell him about all this because, as we all know from watching the news, it is important for war analysts to predict what every barrage or quiet day means towards the overall progress of the war and I am nothing if not good at analyzing meaningless information. So this battle was lost and we begin fresh efforts at waging new war next month.

Incidentally, this analogy has also made me think about the actual war in Iraq and how I read about it and follow things (did you guys read about the snow in Baghdad?) but how as frightening as I think things might be, I have no idea because I don’t live with it in my own back yard. I don’t know what I’m going to do with these thoughts but they seem like they might be good for something.

And we got a new cat. Actually, we found her in a parking lot and we’re looking for her owners. She is obviously an owned kitty. We’ve put up fliers and I’ve posted on a couple of lost and found websites. She’s really sweet and we don’t really want to give her up but I would be homicidal if someone found one of my animals and decided to keep it without even trying to find me. So wish us luck with that – whatever that luck brings.

Read Full Post »


I’m watching the New Yankee Workshop and its ridiculous how easy this guy makes making kitchen cabinets from scratch seem. I’m tempted to wake up Chad and ask him why he hasn’t done this for us yet.

The sun is out today. This is big. We had such dark, gray, no sunrise, no sunset days that I got a jump start on my Winter Worrying Wonderland wherein I focus on the topics of debt and death until I can’t sleep without dreaming of horrible things. Yes, always debt and death. These are the things that plague me in the darkest depths of my soul. I know the saying is about death and taxes, but as a person with strong socialist leanings, I don’t mind taxes. So I worry about debt and how creditors, collection agencies, and credit reporting agencies are all in collusion to make insane amounts of money through honing the fine art of ruining people’s lives and the economy. And the death thing, well that’s just about the inevitability of dying and how there may be nothing but umm nothingness after we die. Its a great time of year.

But today there is sunshine.

Read Full Post »